martes, 27 de marzo de 2007

unas cosas por otras...

Today my car's left side mirror was stolen.... I had just purchased a new one no more than 2 months ago. Today it got stolen. Bad luck I guess....however, I did found my car stereo that I had misplaced since november...yei!!! at least I have music again!!!
By the end of april, Spencer Tunick, famous photographer, will be visiting Mexico City to shoot one of his famous massive nudes. I've already signed up at the internet site, but I don't know if I'll have the courage to go there when it comes to it!!! I guess it would be interesting to be there between hundreds of naked people, my body just blending in with the doesn't really matter if you look great or bad cause in the end, they're just nude bodies....I'll let you know if I made it!

The list: I have a short list I've been writing in every once in a while, about things I want to do or learn eventually. Some of the things in the original list I've already done are:
  • Learned how to shoot a bow and arrow
  • Traveled on my own
  • Visited a strange place I never thought I'd make it to
  • Lived alone
  • Acted in a play
  • Met Kofi Annan
  • Saw Ireland!
  • Lived abroad
  • Developed film
  • Made a short movie (if you can count our small thing for the stand up campaign)
  • Worked for the UN (one pay check...all it takes!)
Many things are still on the list... like:
  • Watch the northern lights
  • Learn how to ride horses
  • Learn wine tasting
  • Cook ONE great exotic meal
  • Colecting rare editons of my favorite books
  • Go to a Safari
  • Go camping!
  • Volunteer in Africa
  • Work for UNV
  • Dictate a conference
  • Run a race....
  • Go to a turtle camp and see the baby turtles being born
  • Take a cruise
  • Learn tango dancing
  • Drive an english car (on the right yeeah!)
  • Learn CPR and first aid
  • Watch penguins in their natural habitat
  • Wakeboarding
  • Play the guitar
  • Learn sign language
  • Learn how to prepare exotic drinks
  • Play Beethoven's Moonlight sonata on the piano
... and so on and so forth...

at least there's one thing on my list I'll be doing soon: Visit NY!!! I wish it was winter though cause I wanted to Ice skate, but hey! at least I'll visit the UN HQ (yes, Im a nerd for that jajaj).

Any good ideas to add to my checklist??

lunes, 26 de marzo de 2007

Babar's World Update

and in other news:

Credit card crisis: just got the letter from the bank saying I have to pay for what the "%·$% robbers charged to my card...we're still gonna fight it, but in the meantime I still have to pay.... lovely.
Sis: Jesh is finally coming!! she gets here on thursday...lots of things to talk about. I miss you sis!!!
Risaterapia: Had a pretty nice sunday at work, specially cause we went for beers and mezcal after the play. Totally made up for my brother moking my new job (it's ok bro I forgive you...!). I like my new friends.
Rubik's cube: Still getting nowhere... this is tough!!! ...
also bumped into a small kid on the street who was playin with a cube (WTF?!?!) while having a long fun discussion about all this things with Vero... coincidences coincidences coincidences...
School: refusing to do all this work Im supposed to be doing... I'll just improvise tomorrow I guess...

viernes, 23 de marzo de 2007

"Les choses essentielles se produisent en ce monde sans explication ni motif, puisant en elles-mêmes leur propre raison d'être." Milan Kundera

I come home and I'm in a strange set of mind...I open the door to the room next to mine finding it empty, filled still with this beautiful energy that I hope will linger here for a long time. I was growing accustomed to his presence, his lightness and warm smile....I think a bit about what I want to write about and I wonder If I'm ready to say everything that has been going through my head and heart these past few days...

might as well just start from the beginning.

(listening to swan lake...)

I didn't remembered how big the subway station was. The one nearest to my home is just a massive black hole that swallows hundreds of people each minute. As I park my car around the corner and I start walking towards it I get increasingly nervous. How am I going to find him here??? Im hoping he'll have a way to call me as soon as he realizes the indications I gave him in order to find each other were not going to work... I look at the crowd going in and out, "look for a tall blond", shouldn't be too hard to spot in this city. Finally a call from a generous guy who lets me know where they are. I hurry and at last I spot him with his huge bagpack and a captivating smile. The moment he said hello I knew there was nothing to fear in this stranger that would, in the following days, become a good friend and an everlasting memory.

Adam came to my home, giving such an effusive greeting to my parents that they immediatelly fell for him. He was chatty and energetic. After a home-cooked meal we spent the afternoon talking over a few beers, contacting other strangers to meet at night.

By the time he started opening up about what he was doing, his trip, his life, his mission, I felt so deeply touched by his passion and his evidently huge huge heart. It is very rare to come across people in this world who feel so proud about their life. Who are so certain about their direction, and who have embraced this sense of destiny with everything that it implies, the good, the bad, the pain, the sad, and the incredible joy of pursuing a higher calling....

Over the next week I opened not only my home but also my heart to this man who everyday reminded me of what life, ultimately, should be all about... I had never met anyone with such a strong certainty of having a mission to complete. It takes a lot of courage to leave everything and everyone back home and sail away towards places and people that you've never met.

I find it so amazing that I had the chance to meet Adam. For one reason or another he ended up at my house, of all places... there are no coincidences he says... and whatever it was that brought him here, it has given me a sense of reassurance, and I will be forever grateful for that.

(listening to terra naomi)

When I uploaded the song "say it's possible" I said I would have wrote "believing"... Adam is walking proof that it can happen. Whatever it is that calls us, whatever it is that we feel inside, this fire burning inside us: it is real and it is there.

All through our lives we spend so much time allowing the noise of the world to fill our heads and hearts with made-up beliefs and desires. We're told each day what the world want us to be, what everyone would expect us to be, we're attacked by adds made for the masses and everyday we go to bed a bit more disconnected from ourselves... do you remember what you wanted to be when you were a child?? do you remember what you use to believe in??? I remember believing in the ultimate kindness and goodness of all people. I thought anyone could be a friend. A kid you had known for 5 minutes could become a life-long mate... I believed that we could make a difference, that the world and everything that was wrong with it would always have a solution based on a collective effort from all of us....

and then you start growing up, and you think that in the real world there's no space for get caught up in a dynamic you will rarely be able to break out of. You forget what you wanted to be. You forget what used to believe in. You become a mere shadow of the amazing being you could have been. You wake each morning wishing you could sleep longer so that you could dream more. You watch movies and read books about the things you wish your life would be about, and then you go on with your day and never, ever, really try to be free.

Comfort is the biggest threat our soul has... I have been in that place so long. Being afraid of stepping up. Being afraid of chasing things I would like to do because I think that there's no more room in my life for deception. If it doesn't happen, if I fail, most of the time I think I'm not strong enough to recover...However, every heartbreak I've ever had has in a way showed me more and more the path I'm supposed to be walking. Every time I've taken a leap of faith, things eventually work out for me. That scholarship for France, I never thought I would get it and yet, I got that call that was such a surprise! The trip to Paris to visit Marathon man for 2 weeks, when all common sense said I was being completely irrational, there was something inside that said go for it...and when I did I spent some of the best days of my life....

there's always that voice inside, trying to shout out from wherever it's trapped. Sometimes we make room enough for it and follow our hearts. Other times, we try to shut it down for so long, that in the end, it probably will....

I guess that's when people like Adam come along. I dont really think he knows how inspiring he can be. He's that outside thing, that comes to shake the earth you stand on in order to try and make you wake up. He has things to say. Things in his heart he knows to be true. And everywhere he goes, to anyone who'll listen, he'll tell the same story over and over again, but always with such passion, that it's impossible to remain the same.

It doesn't really matter what happens by the end of his trip, changes start to happen as soon as he enters into your life. Its like some magic power that allows him to stir something up inside people.... the way he says that he's been "chosen", at first it may sound a little strange, but after a few minutes, he'll have you convinced. I wish we could all embrace ourselves, our lives, and our destiny as much as he has... we should all be brave like that.

Adam gives out the best hugs I've ever had...! I just had to mention that. I guess he sort of channels something through his arms. All this amazing energy and love coming from everyone he's met and will meet in the future, just flowing though his open arms. There's something so honest about him, it makes you want to open your life up completely.

Im so grateful for him being here... He said how he wanted to be remembered, in someway live forever, be immortal... I believe we carry people with us, in our souls, forever... and I will carry this man around in my heart. Achieving immortality trhough others, what a nice thing to do eh??

(listening to sick puppies)

As we were approaching the bus station to see him off to his next stop, I wished he could stay longer. However I knew that he has to keep moving, keep waking people up with his amazing capability to see the world through fresh and un-spoiled eyes. One last hug, and his voice saying "follow your dreams"... coming from him, that meant a lot to me. These were more than empty words, these were more than just good wishes, these were the words of an amazing soul that speaks from experience. I just have to find more people like him, and maybe be brave enough to become one.

To my new brother that I learned to love and admire so much in these few days... I love you very very much...thank you for shining a bit of your light into my life, and I hope I can one day do the same for others and make you proud... thanks for helping me wake up....

"May the road rise up to meet you,
may the wind be always at your back,
may the sun shine warm upon your face,
may the rain fall soft upon your field...
and until we meet again, may god hold you in the palm of his hand"
-Celtic blessing

I still have tons to write about, lots of things to think about...
isn't it so nice to be feeling again???!

believe, its possible...!

miércoles, 21 de marzo de 2007


mixed just mixed up...all this things that have been happening lately I just don't know what to do with them. Trying to find meaning everywhere it makes me wonder, is there really something there or are we just trying to make sense out of all this random things???
Weird thing is that they don't feel random. THIS doesn't feel random. I have all these things going through my head and heart and somehow I'm just afraid I'm reading to much into it all... as usual.
How much of anything can we be sure of?? all these signs are they really there or we're just desperate to see them?
I guess everything is just a leap of faith. Giving in...trying not to be afraid of what comes out of it.
Right now I'm surrounded by this amazing energy. I wonder what will happen once it goes away. Part of it will remain here with me no matter what. I hope I'm just smart enough to hold on to that.
Credit card crisis: Will remain on hold till further notice...
...y desde Francia: no news at all... just complete silence. It's driving me insane. We're not really used to letting go are we?.... specially when there's nothing else... Im an idiot! always looking in the wrong least I hope Im looking for the right things.

lunes, 19 de marzo de 2007

a change of mind...

A few days back, as you can probably tell from what I wrote down, I was feeling like all this things I wanted to believe in lately were turning out to be childish ideas...I thought It might just be time to grow out of them... and although I won't be writing everything that has happened in the past weekend right now, I can give you a little preview:

Saturday morning I received a call from a Couchsurfer (don't know what that means?? check, his host would be unable to receive him that day and he was wondering if he could stay at my place. Lots of doubt came along, opening the doors of your home to an absolute stranger is not something you would normally do...still I said yes and a couple of hours later I was searching the metro station for a tall blond (easy to spot in this city) with a large backpack.

"He had me at hello" , jaja not in a romantic sense I must clear that up, but in some way different... three days later he's stilll here and I have already learned so much. A. is following a dream that takes a lot of courage. I can't imagine what it was like to make that first step that would set all things in motion. His life changing forever. And yet he's here and Im lucky enough to be hosting him and to try to learn a bit more everyday....

Funny enough with him camed my second Couchsurfer, an emergency CS so to speak! and also a couple of new friends and the idea of a world filled with open sounds cheesy as hell I know, but right now Im really happy.

I'll write about this whole thing when it's trough and I've had time to digest it... right now I just want to learn more..!

jueves, 15 de marzo de 2007

firma aquí, aquí, inciales aquí.....

So, credit card crisis update: I was totally cleaned out, AFTER reporting my card... so well at least I know the bank HAS to pay me back! after all it was their mistake. However I wil be broke for the following 55 days more or less...damn. Anyway, I'm trying to look for the bright side, it might just turn out that those people needed the money and well, who knows....


I signed my contract this week... and I have no idea where to start! so basically my job is finding donors for this association called "risaterapia". At first I wasn't really sure about it, about what they did...and then we made a small trip to a local hospital. It was great. Even in the street it was great. I guess I know exactly how it feels when you're so desperately in need of some random act of kindness (as I was this week), and finding it in a bunch of people that volunteer to visit hospitals, and rural areas, etc is great. They try to bring joy everywhere... it may sound a little lame, like there are so many other things that we would usually donate money more easily to, but trying to make people happy, just a little bit, is a good cause. I guess we often forget that, if anythin, everything else should be about making us, and others, happy.

So now im all for the cause, and i just hope I will be able to convinve others. Plus I get to work with really nice people!

Poetry Slam: Julia, my new french co-worker (french french french never met so many french people untill I started trying to avoid all things french in order to forget about a certain someone) invited me to a poetry "slam" in a local bookshop slash cafe.... it was really nice! I thought It would be all boring poetry maybe like the one I used to write (jaja im so glad I grew out of that one, I was terrible) but actually it was very good! I love meeting new people!!! Not that I dislike my life-long friends eh? they're the most important thing in my life next to my family, but its always nice to do things we dont usually do... MUST break out of this confort-zone rutine thing...its driving me crazy.

Little Bird: I found, well, my dog found a small hummingbird today. It had fell off his nest and was a bit hurt and very scared... I picked him up and managed to climb next to his nest to put him back. In the last moment he decided to "fly" away to a nearby branch... mama bird kept coming to feed him often, but Im afraid it will be too cold for him away from his nest. I hope he lives. They usually make their nests outside my window and I love to see them fly by. He was so cute and small! I'll let you know if he made it till morning!

Soooo...I was in a very very dark mood last time I wrote, and altough it is still hovering around me a little, I just have to push it away... things really reaaaally have to pick up. I know I make a lot of fuzz about nothing, its just that it doesn't feel like nothing, does that make sense??

domingo, 11 de marzo de 2007

Credit crisis, part 2

So, it's not enough they charged 9,000 bucks to my credit card (money I might just end up paying cause apparently Santander bank has no robbery inssurance which means that they'll say no, and we'll have to sue and it will take months before this shit is over), the bastards also emptied my debit card.... now, the weird thing is, apparently, they managed to do so AFTER I reported the robbery, how? I have no clue.

I reported the card, went to the bank the following morning and everything was fine, my money they said, was untouched....they gave me a new plastic and yesterday I went to get some money to the ATM and I had 60 pesos left in my account. 60 PESOS!!! unbelievable!

I know I didn't had that much money on my account, and it might sound like Im making a big deal out of a petty amount of money but those were ALL my savings... everything!!!


so, what has this whole positive attitude brought me in the past few months???? absolutely nothing, and since its so hard for me to be all nice and positive, I think I'll go back to my old melancholic self again.

THE NEW JOB: at least the cause is winning me over, Im working with nice people and all..however its just heartbreaking not to find anything real... dedicate yourself to screw people over for money and I'm sure you'll find a job you like in under a week...try to look for anything that has a humanitarian side to it and you're basically doomed to a shit pay, and to receive almost no respect from people who continue to believe that NGO work should be entirelly voluntary... as if it was something only to be done by 6o-year-old rich bitches trying to buy their way to heaven... In moments like this I really reaaaaally wish I didn't give a damn.

On a more personal romantic note, nothing interesting in the horizon... whatever's here im not interested in... Im so sick of it all, just empty words everytime...

"enough, it's enough now" time to move away from marathon man and all "great expectations", some money making job at least would pay rent, my new credit card bill (yeah thanks for that you $%@# robers) and travel money... how much do you think I would have to save up to travel, just travel, for a year??? maybe volunteer abroad, a whole year...

from my back-to-reality old self...hoping for a better week this week....

viernes, 9 de marzo de 2007

Funny video of the week

Yeees, I do have lots of free time and sometimes I kill it browsing videos on YouTube...this one made me laugh for, no point intended to any american friends, I know there's stupid people everywhere, but this is just over the top!!!
Have fun!

miércoles, 7 de marzo de 2007

martes, 6 de marzo de 2007

buena vibra buena vibra verdad¿??

Estaba bastante contenta, hasta iba a contar aquí sobre la visita del hospital, que tendrá que esperar a que esté de mejor humor porque hoy en algún momento entre las 5.40 pm que fui a Starbucks por un café y las 7.00 de mi clase de América Latina me robaron mi cartera y le cargaron 9.000 pesos a la tarjeta de crédito...super...

Y yo que estaba toda de humor para mandar vibra positiva al universo ahora digo: infelices hijos-de-puta-malparidos-desgraciados-bastardos-lameculos etc etc

Independientemente de que el banco acabe por no cobrarte las mamadas que cargaron, lo que más coraje me da es que como siempre, no falta el malparido que te hace recordar que eventualmente a todos en este che país le acaban por aplicar una mamada así...hasta lo vemos con absoluta naturalidad, impotencia y un sentido de "ya te tocó"... que pendejada.

Así que, mis peores deseos del mundo para el/la/los infelices amigos de lo ajeno, que seguramente la usaron para comprarse alguna estupidez como un jodido x-box, una tele, o alguna otra mamada...

lunes, 5 de marzo de 2007

listening to: Hamburg song, KEANE

"Mais ceci nous permet de nous approcher de la valeur centrale de la mélancolie: dans sa substance la plus intime, elle est nostalgie de l'amour" - Romano Guardini, De la mélancolie, 1953

I don't wanna be adored

Don't wanna be first in line

Or make myself heard

I'd like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved

No, don't wanna be the only one you know,

I wanna be the place you call home

Hoy no tengo ganas de dormir... tengo ganas de dejarme ganar por un estado melancólico sin sentido.... como dice Sabines, uno puede llorar hasta con la palabra excusado si tiene ganas de llorar....

la verdad quisiera tener uno de esos llantos con ganas, de esos que te cansan, que te sacan todo, la verdad es que no tengo nada por qué llorar... ya ni eso.

No extrañas tener algo que sentir??? lo que sea???

(L'image, aussi de l'expo Mélancolie, genié et folie en occident..." Le silence" par Fussli)

primer día...

¿qué hice hoy en el primer día del trabajo nuevo??? jugar a las sillas, y a una versión bizarra de no-pises-x-q-te-comen-las-pirañas... mañana vamos de visita a un hospital, a ver si me gana la causa (porque si no esto va a estar muuucho más difícil..)

El fin de semana nada mal, ya al menos llegamos a la calle del Pasagüero verdad Elba???... el sábado muy rica la comida (gracias amigo!!), siempre divertido ver el capítulo del desfiladero Springfield contigo verdad?? y la fiesta muy bien, me dió gusto que llegaran casi todos (ahhh porque se extrañó a los que andan lejos!!!).. esta vez no hubo incidentes con el microondas ni la licuadora.

ah! y el que no se atrevía ya se atrevió (o fui yo??? it's a little blurry)...hasta se fue la luz por un par de segundos, señal o coincidencia?? (buena o mala en todo caso?!?) ya veremos...

([...] entre l'amour physique et le ridicule il n'y a qu'un pas [...]
- J.P. Sartre)

en fin... ya les contaré después más sobre el trabajo... por ahora me dedicaré a escuchar el i-pod (aún no se recupera mi lap...bua!) y a continuar con las lecturas atrasadas, que son muchas....

gracias por la fiesta de cumple amiguitos!!! los quieroooo!

jueves, 1 de marzo de 2007


hurrah hurrah hurrah!!!! finalmente 24 años!!!! el fin de los piteros 23!!!! ahora sí de veras de veras ya se acabó el año y yooo tengo la sensación de que éste año será mucho mucho mejor! Mi querido amigo Julien dice que de acuerdo con el horóscopo chino, para nosotros los cerditos será un año de prosperidad, locura y demás...y yo digo VEEENGAAAA!!! claro que eso ya lo sabía!! y más después de empezar el año con un viaje tan tan buen como el de Chiapas, y más después de haber tenido tantas aventuras con un par de chicos encantadores y más porque ya viene mi graduación y más porque hermana viene a visitarnos y más porque veré a Keane y a Aerosmith y porque pienso hacer couchsurfing este año y porque hay todo un mundo de posibilidades y muchas cosas que vivir y hacer!!!

Así que, en resúmen... el año pasado, not my best year, y no tanto por lo que pasó o no sino porque mi estado anímico no daba para nada... pero este año hagamos tengo high spirits y high hopes!

¿Qué ilusiónes hay para mis 24??? mmm pues viajes, muchos, aunque sea de pobretona, aunque sean a Ahuacatitlá porque es lindo hasta salir en carretera... amigos !muchos!, nuevos exóticos y de todas formas y colores.. trabajo, ojalá! deseable, no deseable pagado, mal pagado como sea! pero cosas que me lleven a aprender... ilusiónes, pasión por la vida y por todo! aventuras, sinceridad, felicidad, un amor de en este continente (carajo que no hay un sateluco encantador y alternativo??!) y la completa satisfacción de saberme un ser humano con la capacidad de hacer de mi vida todo lo que quiera! salud, buenos momentos, muchos recuerdos, familia sé, de todo un poco!!!

Gracias a Hermano y Pily y Papá y Mamá que patrocinaron los conciertos y a hermana porque viene a vernos y ya la extraño mucho!!! no hay familia como la mía (incluyendo a Hava)!

y gracias a mis 4 hermanas adoptivas K. E. X. y M. , porque las quiero y porque sin ustedes sería una ñoña más deprimida y antisocial! y a mis amiguitos, sobre todo a Isma y a Pat. porque son unos bombones que soportan mis estupideces y me quieren así... y a todos los demás porque me encanta rockear con ustedes! y a Julien que de verdad es una de las pocas personas que quiero q sigan presentes aunque viva muy lejos! Dante que siempre sube mis ánimos y los chicos CINU que piden posada y a tanta gente que está por aquí y que hace de mi vida algo más interesante...

Ok, yo sé que suena como a discurso mal-parido de entrega de Oscar, pero de verdad que estoy contenta!!!

Creo que es una de esas etapas donde, aunque me den mis recurrentes ataques de melancolía y demás... bueno pues, qué encanto estar vivos y saludables y tener una vida como la mía, que aunque pequeña y sencilla (todavía) está llena de cosas buenas y de buenas personas y vaya que he tenido suerte!!! Sólo me queda esperar poder multiplicar esta sensación de encanto y de sorpresa por saber que quedan muchas cosas por hacer!

So, feliz cumpleaños 24 de Babar para todos! ! ! a los que están nos vemos el sábado en mi (su) casa, y a los que no, pues los extraño mucho y están en mi cabeza siempre...