a change of mind...

A few days back, as you can probably tell from what I wrote down, I was feeling like all this things I wanted to believe in lately were turning out to be childish ideas...I thought It might just be time to grow out of them... and although I won't be writing everything that has happened in the past weekend right now, I can give you a little preview:

Saturday morning I received a call from a Couchsurfer (don't know what that means?? check www.couchsurfing.com), his host would be unable to receive him that day and he was wondering if he could stay at my place. Lots of doubt came along, opening the doors of your home to an absolute stranger is not something you would normally do...still I said yes and a couple of hours later I was searching the metro station for a tall blond (easy to spot in this city) with a large backpack.

"He had me at hello" , jaja not in a romantic sense I must clear that up, but in some way different... three days later he's stilll here and I have already learned so much. A. is following a dream that takes a lot of courage. I can't imagine what it was like to make that first step that would set all things in motion. His life changing forever. And yet he's here and Im lucky enough to be hosting him and to try to learn a bit more everyday....

Funny enough with him camed my second Couchsurfer, an emergency CS so to speak! and also a couple of new friends and the idea of a world filled with open arms...it sounds cheesy as hell I know, but right now Im really happy.

I'll write about this whole thing when it's trough and I've had time to digest it... right now I just want to learn more..!

firma aquí, aquí, inciales aquí.....

So, credit card crisis update: I was totally cleaned out, AFTER reporting my card... so well at least I know the bank HAS to pay me back! after all it was their mistake. However I wil be broke for the following 55 days more or less...damn. Anyway, I'm trying to look for the bright side, it might just turn out that those people needed the money and well, who knows....

RISATERAPIA:

I signed my contract this week... and I have no idea where to start! so basically my job is finding donors for this association called "risaterapia". At first I wasn't really sure about it, about what they did...and then we made a small trip to a local hospital. It was great. Even in the street it was great. I guess I know exactly how it feels when you're so desperately in need of some random act of kindness (as I was this week), and finding it in a bunch of people that volunteer to visit hospitals, and rural areas, etc is great. They try to bring joy everywhere... it may sound a little lame, like there are so many other things that we would usually donate money more easily to, but trying to make people happy, just a little bit, is a good cause. I guess we often forget that, if anythin, everything else should be about making us, and others, happy.

So now im all for the cause, and i just hope I will be able to convinve others. Plus I get to work with really nice people!

Poetry Slam: Julia, my new french co-worker (french french french never met so many french people untill I started trying to avoid all things french in order to forget about a certain someone) invited me to a poetry "slam" in a local bookshop slash cafe.... it was really nice! I thought It would be all boring poetry maybe like the one I used to write (jaja im so glad I grew out of that one, I was terrible) but actually it was very good! I love meeting new people!!! Not that I dislike my life-long friends eh? they're the most important thing in my life next to my family, but its always nice to do things we dont usually do... MUST break out of this confort-zone rutine thing...its driving me crazy.

Little Bird: I found, well, my dog found a small hummingbird today. It had fell off his nest and was a bit hurt and very scared... I picked him up and managed to climb next to his nest to put him back. In the last moment he decided to "fly" away to a nearby branch... mama bird kept coming to feed him often, but Im afraid it will be too cold for him away from his nest. I hope he lives. They usually make their nests outside my window and I love to see them fly by. He was so cute and small! I'll let you know if he made it till morning!

Soooo...I was in a very very dark mood last time I wrote, and altough it is still hovering around me a little, I just have to push it away... things really reaaaally have to pick up. I know I make a lot of fuzz about nothing, its just that it doesn't feel like nothing, does that make sense??

Credit crisis, part 2

So, it's not enough they charged 9,000 bucks to my credit card (money I might just end up paying cause apparently Santander bank has no robbery inssurance which means that they'll say no, and we'll have to sue and it will take months before this shit is over), the bastards also emptied my debit card.... now, the weird thing is, apparently, they managed to do so AFTER I reported the robbery, how? I have no clue.

I reported the card, went to the bank the following morning and everything was fine, my money they said, was untouched....they gave me a new plastic and yesterday I went to get some money to the ATM and I had 60 pesos left in my account. 60 PESOS!!! unbelievable!

I know I didn't had that much money on my account, and it might sound like Im making a big deal out of a petty amount of money but those were ALL my savings... everything!!!

SHIT SHIT SHIT!

so, what has this whole positive attitude brought me in the past few months???? absolutely nothing, and since its so hard for me to be all nice and positive, I think I'll go back to my old melancholic self again.

THE NEW JOB: at least the cause is winning me over, Im working with nice people and all..however its just heartbreaking not to find anything real... dedicate yourself to screw people over for money and I'm sure you'll find a job you like in under a week...try to look for anything that has a humanitarian side to it and you're basically doomed to a shit pay, and to receive almost no respect from people who continue to believe that NGO work should be entirelly voluntary... as if it was something only to be done by 6o-year-old rich bitches trying to buy their way to heaven... In moments like this I really reaaaaally wish I didn't give a damn.

On a more personal romantic note, nothing interesting in the horizon... whatever's here im not interested in... Im so sick of it all, just empty words everytime...

"enough, it's enough now" time to move away from marathon man and all "great expectations", some money making job at least would pay rent, my new credit card bill (yeah thanks for that you $%@# robers) and travel money... how much do you think I would have to save up to travel, just travel, for a year??? maybe volunteer abroad, a whole year...

from my back-to-reality old self...hoping for a better week this week....

Funny video of the week

Yeees, I do have lots of free time and sometimes I kill it browsing videos on YouTube...this one made me laugh for hours....so, no point intended to any american friends, I know there's stupid people everywhere, but this is just over the top!!!
Have fun!

RISATERAPIA

www.risaterapia.org

More information later, when I get over the credit card thing....







Babar en la Ambulancha

buena vibra buena vibra verdad¿??

Estaba bastante contenta, hasta iba a contar aquí sobre la visita del hospital, que tendrá que esperar a que esté de mejor humor porque hoy en algún momento entre las 5.40 pm que fui a Starbucks por un café y las 7.00 de mi clase de América Latina me robaron mi cartera y le cargaron 9.000 pesos a la tarjeta de crédito...super...

Y yo que estaba toda de humor para mandar vibra positiva al universo ahora digo: infelices hijos-de-puta-malparidos-desgraciados-bastardos-lameculos etc etc

Independientemente de que el banco acabe por no cobrarte las mamadas que cargaron, lo que más coraje me da es que como siempre, no falta el malparido que te hace recordar que eventualmente a todos en este che país le acaban por aplicar una mamada así...hasta lo vemos con absoluta naturalidad, impotencia y un sentido de "ya te tocó"... que pendejada.

Así que, mis peores deseos del mundo para el/la/los infelices amigos de lo ajeno, que seguramente la usaron para comprarse alguna estupidez como un jodido x-box, una tele, o alguna otra mamada...

listening to: Hamburg song, KEANE

"Mais ceci nous permet de nous approcher de la valeur centrale de la mélancolie: dans sa substance la plus intime, elle est nostalgie de l'amour" - Romano Guardini, De la mélancolie, 1953

I don't wanna be adored

Don't wanna be first in line

Or make myself heard

I'd like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved



No, don't wanna be the only one you know,

I wanna be the place you call home



Hoy no tengo ganas de dormir... tengo ganas de dejarme ganar por un estado melancólico sin sentido.... como dice Sabines, uno puede llorar hasta con la palabra excusado si tiene ganas de llorar....

la verdad quisiera tener uno de esos llantos con ganas, de esos que te cansan, que te sacan todo, la verdad es que no tengo nada por qué llorar... ya ni eso.

No extrañas tener algo que sentir??? lo que sea???

(L'image, aussi de l'expo Mélancolie, genié et folie en occident..." Le silence" par Fussli)

primer día...

¿qué hice hoy en el primer día del trabajo nuevo??? jugar a las sillas, y a una versión bizarra de no-pises-x-q-te-comen-las-pirañas... mañana vamos de visita a un hospital, a ver si me gana la causa (porque si no esto va a estar muuucho más difícil..)

El fin de semana nada mal, ya al menos llegamos a la calle del Pasagüero verdad Elba???... el sábado muy rica la comida (gracias amigo!!), siempre divertido ver el capítulo del desfiladero Springfield contigo verdad?? y la fiesta muy bien, me dió gusto que llegaran casi todos (ahhh porque se extrañó a los que andan lejos!!!).. esta vez no hubo incidentes con el microondas ni la licuadora.

ah! y el que no se atrevía ya se atrevió (o fui yo??? it's a little blurry)...hasta se fue la luz por un par de segundos, señal o coincidencia?? (buena o mala en todo caso?!?) ya veremos...

([...] entre l'amour physique et le ridicule il n'y a qu'un pas [...]
- J.P. Sartre)

en fin... ya les contaré después más sobre el trabajo... por ahora me dedicaré a escuchar el i-pod (aún no se recupera mi lap...bua!) y a continuar con las lecturas atrasadas, que son muchas....

gracias por la fiesta de cumple amiguitos!!! los quieroooo!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABAR!!!

hurrah hurrah hurrah!!!! finalmente 24 años!!!! el fin de los piteros 23!!!! ahora sí de veras de veras ya se acabó el año y yooo tengo la sensación de que éste año será mucho mucho mejor! Mi querido amigo Julien dice que de acuerdo con el horóscopo chino, para nosotros los cerditos será un año de prosperidad, locura y demás...y yo digo VEEENGAAAA!!! claro que eso ya lo sabía!! y más después de empezar el año con un viaje tan tan buen como el de Chiapas, y más después de haber tenido tantas aventuras con un par de chicos encantadores y más porque ya viene mi graduación y más porque hermana viene a visitarnos y más porque veré a Keane y a Aerosmith y porque pienso hacer couchsurfing este año y porque hay todo un mundo de posibilidades y muchas cosas que vivir y hacer!!!

Así que, en resúmen... el año pasado, not my best year, y no tanto por lo que pasó o no sino porque mi estado anímico no daba para nada... pero este año hagamos tengo high spirits y high hopes!

¿Qué ilusiónes hay para mis 24??? mmm pues viajes, muchos, aunque sea de pobretona, aunque sean a Ahuacatitlán...viajes porque es lindo hasta salir en carretera... amigos !muchos!, nuevos exóticos y de todas formas y colores.. trabajo, ojalá! deseable, no deseable pagado, mal pagado como sea! pero cosas que me lleven a aprender... ilusiónes, pasión por la vida y por todo! aventuras, sinceridad, felicidad, un amor de en este continente (carajo que no hay un sateluco encantador y alternativo??!) y la completa satisfacción de saberme un ser humano con la capacidad de hacer de mi vida todo lo que quiera! salud, buenos momentos, muchos recuerdos, familia feliz...no sé, de todo un poco!!!

Gracias a Hermano y Pily y Papá y Mamá que patrocinaron los conciertos y a hermana porque viene a vernos y ya la extraño mucho!!! no hay familia como la mía (incluyendo a Hava)!

y gracias a mis 4 hermanas adoptivas K. E. X. y M. , porque las quiero y porque sin ustedes sería una ñoña más deprimida y antisocial! y a mis amiguitos, sobre todo a Isma y a Pat. porque son unos bombones que soportan mis estupideces y me quieren así... y a todos los demás porque me encanta rockear con ustedes! y a Julien que de verdad es una de las pocas personas que quiero q sigan presentes aunque viva muy lejos! Dante que siempre sube mis ánimos y los chicos CINU que piden posada y a tanta gente que está por aquí y que hace de mi vida algo más interesante...

Ok, yo sé que suena como a discurso mal-parido de entrega de Oscar, pero de verdad que estoy contenta!!!

Creo que es una de esas etapas donde, aunque me den mis recurrentes ataques de melancolía y demás... bueno pues, qué encanto estar vivos y saludables y tener una vida como la mía, que aunque pequeña y sencilla (todavía) está llena de cosas buenas y de buenas personas y vaya que he tenido suerte!!! Sólo me queda esperar poder multiplicar esta sensación de encanto y de sorpresa por saber que quedan muchas cosas por hacer!

So, feliz cumpleaños 24 de Babar para todos! ! ! a los que están nos vemos el sábado en mi (su) casa, y a los que no, pues los extraño mucho y están en mi cabeza siempre...